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VATICAN CITY—An internal Catholic church report on the frequency of institutionalized sexual abuse of minors by authority figures revealed Wednesday that there is a high... [Read More]
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CAMBRIDGE, MA—Shedding further light on a long history of attempts to protect itself from accusations of criminal activity, biblical scholars at Harvard Divinity School reported... [Read More]
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WASHINGTON—Denying that any attempt had been made to withhold information relevant to the Supreme Court confirmation process, Senate Republicans promised Wednesday there would be plenty... [Read More]
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RED FIR, CA—Spending what seemed like the correct amount of time soaking in the beauty of the massive tree, local man Matt Tedesco assumed Wednesday... [Read More]
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ATLANTA—Confirming your long-held suspicions with a 15-year observational study on the effects of behavior on human aging, researchers from the Centers for Disease Control and... [Read More]
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America's Finest News Source... [Read More]
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America's Finest News Source... [Read More]
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SANDY SPRINGS, GA—In an effort to honor the widely admired first lady, fast-casual chain Arby's announced Wednesday that they're releasing special edition curly fries packaged... [Read More]
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More than 100 newspapers have signed onto a Boston Globe-led campaign to publish editorials inveighing against Trump's designation of the media as an "enemy of... [Read More]
BOSTON—Admitting he only knew the guy for "a couple weeks, tops," local cardiac surgeon Dr. David Griffiths told reporters he was sorta bummed about losing... [Read More]
The Great British Baking Show, a British television competition that airs on Netflix and PBS, has become a cult phenomenon in the U.S. The Onion... [Read More]
WASHINGTON—Insisting that it had to be in the audio recordings made during her time in the administration, Omarosa Manigault-Newman was frantically searching Tuesday through tapes... [Read More]
Omarosa Manigault-Newman played a recording of Chief of Staff John Kelly she made as he fired her in the White House situation room, a move... [Read More]
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Touting the state-of-the-art electric execution device's energy efficiency, sleek design, and whisper-quiet machinery, billionaire Elon Musk gave Saudi investors a presentation on a... [Read More]
FOXBORO, MA—Admitting the demands of the NFL season have worn down his temporary corporeal body, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced Tuesday that the upcoming... [Read More]
CORVALLIS, OR—Seething with anger at the mere prospect of such an outcome, a local caterpillar, who has spent the past three months in its pupal... [Read More]
PHOENIX—Acknowledging that a municipality such as present-day Stuttgart or Bremen may have been a more tactful choice for a German sister city, Phoenix mayor Thelda... [Read More]
Recently, several accusations have been made against me—eight women have come forward to claim I made inappropriate advances while working with them at CBS. I... [Read More]
America's Finest News Source... [Read More]
WASHINGTON—Q, the pseudonymous individual who for the last several months has released classified information about high-ranking government officials and the deep state, reportedly tendered his... [Read More]
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